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Think back to those hungry, lusty days in your early relationship. For those in long term relationships, the difference between your sex life then and now may feel stark. It may even cause you to wonder if your relationship is ultimately doomed. Sanam Hafeez , a clinical psychologist based in New York City. These can be things like work, commutes, parenting or chores. The fact that we live in a culture that allows for very little downtime, which sex requires, also contributes to this.
Too much of the same takeout can feel monotonous. He adds that aging and medical issues are also culprits of dwindling libido. However, operating on autopilot without making a concerted effort to nurture physical intimacy can lead to decreased fulfillment, which is never good. In that sense, overall bonding and sexual intimacy are very connected.
It may or may not be planned in advance. Jory says he believes maintenance sex is essential to the success of a long-term relationship for three reasons. Couples regularly say that although they were reluctant at first, once they made the plunge to have sex it was a positive experience. When he runs into this issue clinically, he works with the couples to essentially learn a whole new language that helps them overcome shame, fear, or embarrassment surrounding the topic of sex.
Hafeez agrees that purposeful, improved dialogue is always healthy in a relationship. Again, how frequently a couple should have sex — maintenance or otherwise — depends on their relationship. Will it feel sexy at first? Probably not. The goal of maintenance sex, though, is to foster bonding and emotional intimacy. This, in turn can naturally improve sex drive and passion.
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